Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A glass half full or half empty

Today my mom said something that got me thinking. Mums been very depressed lately as there have been some problems on the family side. Mums reminiscences were mostly about how hard life was and how she and dad had to struggle to reach where they are now. There is never an end to life's trouble it seems. And then she said" death is actually a blessing".
And I agree. Death is an end to life's suffering. People who die earlier are the ones dearest to God as I suppose He wouldn't let them go through life too much. And those who die later are the ones destined to go through all that life has to offer.
From an optimists point of view, maybe death is an end to all the good times . They wouldn't want to die when the time came. They'd think about all the things still not done, the loved one they'd leave behind, the responsibilities, accomplishments....the spirit will fight death for maybe one more day or a month or a year or another life time.
And the pessimist? well, they are the ones who will succumb to death, embrace the end with open arms. For it means the end of all the suffering, the pains, the failures. To them it means never again to have to face life and all the challenges. A smile is not a bargain for all the trouble of having to live.
So who is wiser? the optimist or the pessimist? I have absolutely no idea but I maybe tilting to the latter the compulsive pessimist that I am. I remember this sing that we used to sing at school that goes thus-
"Lifes evening sun is sinking low
a few more days that I must go
to reap the deeds that I have done
where there will be no setting sun"
So I suppose the inevitable has to happen and until then we have tackle life and all thats thrown at us in the process of living. I always notice that life for some people is happiness and joy and gay. And for some people its misery and sorrow. But through out my upbringing I have been told time and again that joy and sorrow are the two sides of the same coin. So it must the attitude then with which we see life or death for that matter I suppose.
As for me I have to admit I have a sinking feeling all the time. That its easier to just end it all than go though this. But then I see my kids faces. I struggled to have them too. Maybe I shouldn't have made it happen. It would have been easier for me to leave this place now or later.
Well I am alive and am extremely being made conscious of the heart beating and the lungs breathing. As though I longed for the opposite of that.
But I tolerate life. For my kids and my parents. Only ones worth doing it for.
Well enough of my renditions! Maybe I should stop my brain thinking than my heart ticking.