Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Looking inwards!

Hmmm..back after a lovely break in Sri lanka. Some introspection was on the itinerary but then too busy a schedule. Can't seem to get even the ocean to myself with kids around. Dreams of a long walk on the beach alone, thinking and making plans for life went kaput. But then hitting the hard reality of life on coming back to it has forced me to some dwellings on what to make of my life from here. And while I am at it, Sri Lanka has somehow opened an eye to the wide possibilities that can be. Life in different parts of the world are so diverse that my husband and I have vowed to learn it all by being a tourist more often. So much to do and so much to see. In the meantime I am going to make money to do all that. So the words of my chorus of my life song is work work work la la.
Then of course there's the stanza of my wonderful lovely off springs. Determined to give the little saplings lots of sunshine and water for them to grow up to be successful and wonderful individuals.
Also my pursuing the mirage of an ideal world with perfect human relations also faced a cut back. Naa that doesn't exist. I can only see reflections of my own failures when I look at my relationships with people around me. Hell...need to try and salvage as many as I can. But then the truth is only those relationships will last that you think are important and worthy of! So am letting go but am curious to know which of the birds will come back to me as my own! So there giving up on people and relationships. Phew! Am I relieved!
Oh and I am a happy depressive if there can be one! Happy to fight my battles in my own void.

Then my thought moves to weighty issues. I mean mine. I am growing it appears and not to any higher plane but from east to west. So next resolution to move my ass more or maybe just chop it from both sides.

We were sitting on the beach one night me and Sunil talking about our future. Looking out at the sea we realised that this is what we wanted. So we decided to buy out a place near one and spend the rest of our lives in this beautiful house with a room full of books. That would be a dreamy life watching the endless waves and the sunsets! Hopefully that will be a reality someday.
Touch wood!

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